Ghost of Christmas past........

Have you ever been "the gift"? For the last two years of Amy's life...I was her Christmas present. This picture was taken at the airport as I was getting ready to return to Seattle....this was the last time I ever saw her.......

Never take people for granted....never assume you will have another chance to say I love you...or give a hug........ or make things right for something stupid you might have said or did......You never realize how big the hole will be without that person ......you can never imagine the depth of the pain losing that person will bring.......

I would give up every gift ever given to me...or ever to be given to me......just to have her back....come to think of it ...there isn't much of anything I wouldn't give up........

Sue...Liz.....I wish I could be there to hug you....I know without her there is a big empty space that can't be filled......

Depression is my demon. It's the thing I struggle with most in life.......Amy was my rocks that gave me strength, something to hold on to when the waves were crashing in around me.....now that she is gone.....especially during the holidays......the sadness is overwhelming...... I feel paralyzed by it......I find myself sitting...staring off into nothing for long periods of time...and my body feels like a lead weight......I can't move...even if I wanted to..........Of course this means not much is gettin done around my house.....and with all the extra holiday stuff....I am drowning......my husband is mad cuz I can't seem to keep up with anything....which adds to my guilt and depresses me even more.......Please pray for me and for her family...I know they are all struggling as well......Amy was an amazing person.....I don't know how to move through this world without her......I still can't wrap my brain around her not being her......ever......

I really hoped.....

I really hoped that this year would be eaiser......but it's not.
The only thing I want for Christmas is to hear her voice, to laugh with her again.....She could always make me laugh.....








And yes...the picture is me.....wasn't doing any better that day either.....probably because I had another year befor I met Amy......Or maybe it was the clothes!! Those pants make me want to cry right now!!