Amy loved to go camping!! Her family made a trip to Donner lake every year for a week of dirt, bugs and cold mornings!! I have so many camping stories..I would even begin to try to tell them all here, I just mention it to say that Amy and her family were very stable. They loved spending time with friends and family and every opportunity to do so...they did !! They have lots of tradition ! My family on the other hand was the opposite......I found myself running to Amy's house even on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas....... When I moved away at 12 I felt lost! That's a good way to describe this last year....Lost. I miss her.

March 28th

March 28th, 2005 was the last time I would ever speak with Amy. We talked about my upcoming Mexico mission trip and a house that we thought we were going to be able to buy.......we talked for over 2 hours , we decided to wait to talk again until April 23rd, because I was coming home on a monday..and we knew we would have lots to talk about and Saturdays are free on my calling plan.We usually talked a couple of times a week, I could tell you where she was on most days...oh today is monday ..she is doing curves at 10, then she picks up Gage and goes for a slurpy....She was very predictable.....her life was constant. I think it was that stability that helped me so much. She was my rock, my life line to sanity....

I have kicked myself a million times for not calling her right when I got home, because it was Saturday the 23rd of April, when she died suddenly of a grand mal seizure. I have cried everyday...without fail since then. Sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever end..I know it must as I watch my Grandmother carry on after losing my Grandfather almost 7years ago....they were together 55years. So I know there is hope....I can hear some of you saying "how can you compare a friend to a husband......??" All I can say is unless you have had a friendship like Amy and I had you won't understand. I know I was blessed with something that most people never get, and Amy knew things about me that even my husband and family have never known. If I believed in reincarnation I would say we must have been twins in another life. She is a part of who I am. I sometimes feel like I am withering away without her.......

So now that I am facing the 1 yr anniversary...I feel like its taking me a step farther from her.....Unfortunatly I am still flat on my face from that last unexpected step....I don't know how to let go of all this pain.....

Amy....

This was Amy at about 4 years old.....and this picture has always been one of my favorite pictures of her. Its a little blurry but it still shows her sassy side.... and also shows two of the things she loved...the sun and water....we were mermaid's her and I......I estimate we spent 90% of our summers in the water...anywhere we could find it !!


I will add more pictures later and try to write more about Amy...but its still so hard....I can't believe its been almost a year.....I can't believe I have made it that long without her in my life....