March 28th, 2005 was the last time I would ever speak with Amy. We talked about my upcoming Mexico mission trip and a house that we thought we were going to be able to buy.......we talked for over 2 hours , we decided to wait to talk again until April 23rd, because I was coming home on a monday..and we knew we would have lots to talk about and Saturdays are free on my calling plan.We usually talked a couple of times a week, I could tell you where she was on most days...oh today is monday ..she is doing curves at 10, then she picks up Gage and goes for a slurpy....She was very predictable.....her life was constant. I think it was that stability that helped me so much. She was my rock, my life line to sanity....
I have kicked myself a million times for not calling her right when I got home, because it was Saturday the 23rd of April, when she died suddenly of a grand mal seizure. I have cried everyday...without fail since then. Sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever end..I know it must as I watch my Grandmother carry on after losing my Grandfather almost 7years ago....they were together 55years. So I know there is hope....I can hear some of you saying "how can you compare a friend to a husband......??" All I can say is unless you have had a friendship like Amy and I had you won't understand. I know I was blessed with something that most people never get, and Amy knew things about me that even my husband and family have never known. If I believed in reincarnation I would say we must have been twins in another life. She is a part of who I am. I sometimes feel like I am withering away without her.......
So now that I am facing the 1 yr anniversary...I feel like its taking me a step farther from her.....Unfortunatly I am still flat on my face from that last unexpected step....I don't know how to let go of all this pain.....
2 comments:
I am so sorry that I was not there for you the way I should have!! I was too rapped in my own stupid problem and for that I will never forgive myself.You have been there for me every time I have needed you.Doesn't matter what time of day or night. If I need your help you are there and I wanna say thnk you. I would not have made it this far without. I 'm not just sying that. I mean it with everything in me. you are the best sister anyone could ever have. I could not have hand picked a better one.And you are more htan just a good sister.You are an amazing person in every way. I know you don't feel like it most days but you are and you always have been. There are so many people that that wouldn't make it without you. Without you as my rock for the last 24 years I would probably be dead.I know I wouldn't have the life I have know. But I do want you to know I know what you are going through. I haven't had to go through it myself, but I know how much you loved Amy. She was the only person you could tell ANYTHING and she wouldn't make a stupid comment or make you feel bad.I hope that some day you will feel like you can tell me things too without worrying about what i will think. I could never think you were anything but amazing. NO MATTER WHAT. So I am here for.anything you need. If you wanna cry and scream and use my shirt as a tissue ...feel free. If you just wanna go shopping of have lunch or look at pictures. I am here any time day or night.
I love you so much more than you will ever know.
Jess
HA HA Now I have it in writing!! You can never take it back! It's on the web... I have witness's!!!
HAAA HAA HAA (Evil laugh)
You haven't been that bad, it's hard to know what to do in a situation like this....And for the most part I have to walk this road alone...no one can make it better for me. But knowing I can snot on your shirt helps!!
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