I still feel like there is a dam inside me.....that only a little water gets over the dam every day....but the pressure is still there.....I know Amy would not like the fact that I can hardly even think of her without bursting into tears......I know that she would rather I forgot about her completely than to cry every time I think of her......There is still a voice in my head that starts frantically saying "NO ,NO, NO...its not true......." She would want us to remember her and smile........I hope someday I can honor her in that way........
Twice THIS month I have had to face a horrible death.....and it brings back that initial pain that sent me screaming to the floor.........Pray that I will be able to help the families ....and not become to consumed by my own pain......
4 comments:
i no that it hard sundee, trust me, i know!!! i wish that you were here so that i could give you a great big hug. we really miss you and grandma says to mail her your new address. Drop us a line sometime, because we REALLY REALLY REALLY miss you. Our hearts are with you and your family at this time and we all wish that you could be there. we miss you very much and we can't what to see you.... and your new house!!! tell Tawni and Jim that we said hi. we miss you with all of our hearts!
love lizzy, shannon, gage, and the rest of the family!!!!!
Oh Sundee...knowing that ours was one of those losses breaks my heart for you. Seeing you that Monday when you came to our home with a carload of friends and food and hugs and love and shoulders to cry on was the most enormous thing to me...to my whole family. We were in such terrible pain, and I cannot express how much relief I felt just seeing you here. Just having you come somehow made everything less dark, I can't explain it.
So please know that you were not only strong for us, as you asked to be, but you were a true lifeline that day...and the day of Little Thomas' funeral as well, and in the many emails we have exchanged since then. Perhaps a piece of relief for you will come from knowing that because of your great compassion OUR hearts were blessed and enabled to carry on through those dark days...and in facing the days to come, I know that we have a very dear and true friend in you.
Your Amy must have been a wonderful woman, it is to my own loss that I never had the privelege of meeting her. She and our sweet Thomas boy see Heaven now, Sundee...and we will see them again when we go there too. Sometimes that is little comfort, but it is sometimes all we have.
I am here for you too, my friend. It goes both ways.
Big hugs and much love,
Lorrie B.
I am so glad to know I was of some help....I was so afraid I would fall apart and only add to the problem...I never seem to know when it will strike...the gorcery store..red robin....I can go from normal to a puddle of tears in 3 seconds flat...without warning and most of the time with little or no reason.... God really blessed me with strength...it was not me..that's for sure!
Oh you have NO IDEA how helpful you were...when Thomas and I came down the street that day and saw you outside of our house my heart jumped and the tears just flooded. It was relief just then, I think, just that safe feeling when you know that the "cavalry has arrived". We felt such love from you and such effort on your part just to get down here and see us, spending that day with us and just being here. That was so huge. All I can say is thank you, though that seems like not nearly enough.
Love you dear friend,
Lorrie
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