Its kinda funny that the name Amy means "friendship"...because that's who she was. Not just to me...to everyone...even people she didn't like much she would still go out of her way to make them feel comfortable and a part of whatever was going on. I am starting this blog for a few reasons, its been 6 months since I lost this beautiful person in my life and I can still hardly spit the words out of my mouth, I am hoping to share with the world a little about my friend to honor her memory , I am hoping to help others who may be going through the same. I have to say I find it easier to talk to someone that I know has been through a loss...I get upset with people who think they know how I feel....Of course before all this happened I would try to console people in the same manor...really having no idea... Let me start at the beginning...


Amy was her name...I met her on April 21st, 1974. I was 4 and she was about to turn 3. I remember the date only because we had just moved into the house on Fullweiler street and she was the first person I met . I had been banished from the house while my mother unpacked, I wondered around the yard and finally settled on the curb watching a little girl across the street.....she was playing hide and go seek with her doll. She would hide it ...run to the closest tree and count (only to 5 because that's as high as she could) then she would wonder around the yard "looking" for the very same doll. It was ...well pathetic. Normally I was very shy but I could tell she needed some help and after all I was older than her....so I went over and offered to hide the doll for her and then she could find it. She stared at me with big eyes....and ran in the house without saying a word....and just as I was about to go home again...she came running out with her mom in tow...saying something like..."see there she is and she wants to play with me" I felt like a celebrity. After that Amy and I were almost inseparable.....We could spend days together, never getting tired of one another, never arguing.

Amy's family took me in and made me a part of their family. Amy was an only child and my brothers and sister were much older than I so we needed each other. Amy was one of those kids who had a monstrous amount of toys (NOT THAT I AM COMPLAINING MIND YOU) it worked out great for me....but what always amazed me ...was Amy would share anything and everything...gladly. She never had to think about it or worry that you might break or lose...she just gave .

Well I could write a novel (and maybe I will someday) about all the things we did together....we spent every moment we could together for the next 6 years. Sure we had "other" friends from time to time and things happened ...like her Mom remarried when Amy was 5 and not long after they moved across town. (I was devastated) Along with this new Dad came 2 brothers and 2 sisters !! AHAHA !! All of them older but it still put a crimp in life....But we still managed to keep a close friendship. Then the worst happened, my family moved to to Idaho just before my 12th birthday. I thought for sure...I would never see Amy again. I cried for months... But the next summer her parents paid for me to come down and spend the summer with them in California. What a summer that was...you know the kind you will never forget. We did everything that summer, Disneyland, Sea-World, San Diego Zoo, Santa Cruz, swimming, camping...you name it.

Well again...I could go on and on...the next 4 years we didn't get to see each other at all....and during that time we had times with no contact...but it was always like we had never been apart, we could talk for hours..if only our parents would let us......And after high school we began in earnest to keep in touch and see each other at least once a year. I was in her wedding and came down shortly after the birth of her daughter Lizzy...I was married and had a daughter myself a year later (almost to the day) And Amy's family sent me my babyshower in a box.....more stuff than you could believe!! We always managed to talk once or twice a week...and the last few years...I was her Christmas present...which was a gift for me as well!!

This last Christmas..I was really busy..so we postponed my annual Christmas trip till June...A decision I will always regret. On April 23rd, 2005 Amy died. She had a grand mal seizure, (of course we didn't know what had caused it for months) Our 30th Anniversary had just past...I was waiting to call her until Saturday (its free on my cell phone!) When I got the call I was on the other line...I decided to call her back after I was done so that we could talk for as long as we wanted (usually a 2 hour min.) When I played the message that was left for me...and heard her mothers voice asking me to call back right away...I knew something was very wrong. That conversation plays over and over again in my head.....I remember dropping the phone...looking at my daughter and screaming....over and over....NOT AMY..PLEASE NOT AMY !!! And there hasn't been a day since when I haven't wanted to scream those words..... I wake every morning and pray it was all a bad dream....and I go to bed asking God how I will make it another day without her. She was a part of me...a part of who I am...I can hardly remember a time without her.....and I expected her to always be there....I expected us to be 2 old ladies sittin on the park bench asking "what's the world coming to??" "what's wrong with kids these days??" I feel like my arms and legs have been cut off...I know in my head that in time the pain will go and I will learn to walk with the prosodic legs and arms...but it will never be the same..does that make since?

Well it has taken me 6 months to get this far.....far enough to write these words....though I will admit my head and eyes hurts from crying so hard...and there's not much tissue left in the house...everyone says this will help...just to get it out....I guess we will see ......